FRIDAY 13

For me, overall life is so complicated, unpredictable. Sometimes it's normal, like a roller-coaster, or sometimes it's so monotonous. As the time goes by, no matter what happens, I always try so hard to better up myself and I keep finding ways doing things I love, like a little bit exercise though it's not consistent yet, a little cook for myself, reading bunch of books, or drinking a cup of tea in the peaceful morning. I simply aware that the simplest routines and consistency will magically get me where I wanna be. I just try to live my very best life. And, what is my version of the best life? Actually for the longest time I have been trying to make sense of life, sometimes I just think that life is so ugly because how can we pay just to live in this universe!!! Even when we died we also have to PAY and imagine in this large land there are still a lot of 'homeless people'. Seems we live in a scam society, I MEAN WE RIOT HAHAHA.  I also sometimes think that I've...

So it goes... Do you ever feel like you are always ignored as if you don't exist because you're a -weird quiet being- who doesn't respond in words but rather with a confused, nervous response? Merasa paling beda sendiri di suatu lingkungan (berbeda dalam konotasi negatif), paling susah approached, paling susah bergaul, yang padahal orang lain itu ngga butuh terlalu banyak effort untuk melakukan hal yang menurut kita sangat sulit kita lakukan. Sad right..? When we found difficulty in the simplest or most common things in this world. To be honest.. Everybody is just really nice to me, always approaching me first, and always trying to talk about something with me which I appreciate, but WHY is it so difficult for me to become more confident, articulate, and advanced at everything I should do, at everything that literally most people can do easily do that? Sometimes, I just feel bad for myself and for everyone around me.. And to be frankly, I don't like this part of me....

Feels so terrible!! Because.. I can't scroll my files anymore. Can't open the old folder one to another anymore. Can't open my senior high school folders, then my childhood folders anymore. How and where can I see the detail of the memories in every photo again? I miss when I see and feel the atmosphere, the laugh, the people, the dramas, the face that know nothing about life. Honestly, my high school is one of the precious times in my life. It was full of up and down feelings. But I'm grateful that I can handle it, and I thank myself for not giving up. So thats why I love to see my memories again and again. But now, I can't see that moment anymore, beautiful priceless memories. Cause my white laptop is dead although I have another one but the file full of memories in there.. and now.. all gone. I feel so terrible because I didn't back up all the files. It's too late. Feels so bad.

﷽ Hello from the lower floor of my dorm. Happy saturday. Hope you're as excited as me, because this month is Ramadan!! It's already the 5th day of Ramadan. Ps: I didn't know this 'My Ramadhan Journal' blog post would be serialized or not but lets make it #1. Yes. This time I wanna try journaling in here, sharing with all of you about what I did and the lessons I got at certain times of the month of Ramadan. As you know guys, I started Ramadan this time at my dormitory Huhu. Sad yeah, happy too. Mixed feelings but I'm used to starting fast without being with my family. But I'm very grateful, in this moment of solitude, I often contemplate what I've done and what I will do in the future. I'm also very grateful that I reunited again with the month of Ramadan this year. A very special guest, I've to welcome it well !! Always remember guys, we've to maximize ourselves in the month of Ramadan, make our fast as the last fasting. Make our night praye...

Tombol block, unfollow, mute, hide, bukanlah sebuah " childish things ", justru menurutku itu adalah bentuk penerapan dari personal boundaries. Tombol tersebut 'ada' ya memang ada fungsinya untuk menjaga diri dari yang menurut kita mengganggu, silakan saja gunakan tombol tersebut secara bijak, toh hal tersebut juga tidak merugikan siapa pun. Misalnya ketika kita tidak menyukai postingan seseorang yang kerap sangat mengganggu kita, instead of judging/sending hate speech, akan lebih bijak kalau kita gunakan tombol tersebut. Ketika kita sudah tahu mana yang perlu kita konsumsi dan mana yang tidak cocok untuk kita, justru itu adalah bentuk dari kedewasaan, self-love, dan self-care dimana kita sudah mengerti batasan diri kita atau personal boundaries untuk menghindari orang toxic atau suatu hal yang mengganggu. Begitupun kalau kita membuat postingan, don't apologize too much dengan mengatakan "Sorry kalau postingan aku bla bla bla" Just post whatever you wan...

Hidup itu tentang memilih dan menjalani pilihan yang resikonya bisa kita terima. Kalau memilih antara pilihan positif dan negatif sih pasti kita nggak gegana. Nah, tapi kalau pilihannya sama-sama positif? We have been there and it's so dilematic, right?! Sadar dan bertanggung jawab adalah modal utama ketika kita harus memilih dua pilihan yang sulit. Kita harus memilih berdasarkan keyakinan kita sendiri, tanpa ada paksaan atau tuntutan dari orang lain, do it for yourself, peganglah kendali. Apalagi kalau kita sudah mulai memasuki usia dewasa, its time to 'mulai menentukan pilihan sendiri', menjadi nahkoda di kehidupan ini apapun yang terjadi. Tapi, jika kita memilih karena menuruti orang lain, kita pun harus tetap sadar, ikhlas, paham semua konsekuensinya. Juga ketika kita memilih, mulailah dan jalani dengan berani dan bertanggung jawab. Mungkin dalam proses memilih itu ada overthinking karena memang biasanya otak kita itu cukup sering dalam membuat skenario-skenario negati...

Let me introduce you to the world of Journaling. For me, journaling is self-care , journaling is self-love . It’s also self-destruction if you overdo it, but then again, so is everything! Journaling membantu aku untuk berpikir, organize my thoughts, membantu aku untuk mendapatkan kejelasan, membantu aku memahami diriku dan life events. Rasanya seperti mempunyai teman, with yourself. You know, somethings aren’t meant to be shared with anyone else; they are just meant to be understood . For ourselves . Journaling juga menjadi sebuah tempat bagi aku untuk melepaskan segala atribut, segala rasa, segala perfeksionis yang kerap mengontrol. Aku bebas menuliskan segala struggle, I write freely. Sometimes I’ll be able to read and understand it in the future. Kalau aku ingin lompat topik, I do that. Kalau aku ingin berhenti menulis setengah halaman, I do that. Kalau aku cuma ingin gambar random or add stickers or add photos or creating a mind map, I’ll do that too. Tidak ada keharusan EYD harus...

 Loving ourselves is a simple idea but sometimes hard to do. I want to love myself, the way I wish they did. I want to know myself more. I want to love myself because I know that we can’t fully be there for our true selves or for other people when we are 'pouring from an empty cup’. When we love ourselves first then we can love people around us. I believe that when I love myself, everything will gettin’ easier, such as I can be more confident, do a lot of activity, more explore, etc. I’ve been trying to journal my thoughts and my problems, how I feel about it, what I'm grateful for the day as a form of effort to know about myself. What I am wearing when I have the best time? What I do to spoil myself? What’s my favorite thing to eat? What I love to listen to? When am I feel most at peace? What am I crave more of? I don’t want just exist, I want to live! I should get to know more about myself. What I like and dislike, what am I non-negotiable needs, what make...

SO I will turn 22 this year *sigh *but also singing 22 by TS. And I’m gonna tell you about adulting from my perspective. Maybe we are on the same page?   Dewasa. Menjadi orang dewasa yang menyebalkan.   from dammit Makin dewasa, hidup makin kompleks, beban pikiran makin banyak. Kita juga akan sering berada di situasi abu-abu. Akan banyak berhadapan orang yang beda pemikiran dengan kita. Makin sedikit high expectation cuz we know that sometimes those things can killing us. Also dealing with our mind tend to be the hardest things in this phase. Aku juga ngerasa seiring kita bertumbuh dewasa, kita jadi melihat sisi diri kita yang lain, mulai tahu value yang kita punya dan kita juga lebih melihat esensi dari setiap orang yang kita temui, kita juga lebih sering flashback untuk mencoba memahami pelajaran penting yang dulu kita masih belum mengerti sama keadaan. Its ok to learn, unlearn kalo kita udah tau ternyata hal itu salah, relearn atau belajar lagi hal yang benar. K...

 It keeps bringing me down the words that everyone said so easily Maybe you can hear it soon, as soon as they judge me. I've heard enough I've heard enough Of the things that I'm not Its easier to judge me than to believe The old thoughts I hid deeply Sometimes grabbing me and tormenting me. For the sake, better left unsaid. This night, I've been swallowed by my bed I've been all over my head Wonderin' if I gotta try and pretend I don't know what day it is Im in the space of time I'm afraid I'll find myself hoping to know The brighter that light gets My shadow is getting longer When it's too dazzling Will I be able to see behind you? When its too bright Will I be blind later? People are sometimes easy to say, without knowing who we really are.  People sometimes only see our bad side, never wanting to see our good side.  People sometimes just love to accuse us, without ever wanting to believe us. because it's easier to judge than to learn to b...

Jangan karena kecemasan hinggap di hati, kita malah jadi acuh sama hati sendiri dengan memaksakan untuk merasa baik-baik saja.  Seringkali toxic positivity juga datang dari diri sendiri. Pikiran alam bawah sadar terlalu memaksakan untuk beranggapan bahwa 'keadaan sedang baik baik saja', padahal kenyataannya sebaliknya. Efeknya jadi mengacuhkan hati sendiri, tidak solutif untuk mengatasi permasalahan dan hal itu terus berlarut menjadi bom waktu, rotten and kill us to the core! Menganggap masalah gak terjadi itu juga masalah, artinya kita kurang peka dengan keadaan. Denial terhadap emosi itu tidak bagus kawan karena emosi itu sejatinya ada untuk dirasakan, udah jobdescnya hati. Merasa sedih, kecewa, cemas, takut, dan emosi negatif lainnya adalah hal yang wajar, sebuah respon alamiah manusia terhadap suatu hal. Jangan protes terhadap dirimu sendiri mengenai apa yang kamu rasa, emosi adalah sebuah anugerah. Jadilah manusia. Tentunya tinggal kitanya untuk validasi bahwa e...

2019 is THE MOST LEARNED YEAR EVER, toughest year for me and the most fulfilling year cause everythings that's happened to me this year have shaped me into a completely different person from the very first beginning of this year. Umm, and I just wanna share with you guys what did I learned from this year: -No one really sure who's letting go today, walking away. -To be able to spread kindness is the greatest favor from Allah. -“I love you” is getting cheaper. Truly a sad fact. -Saving is really important things to do everyday. -The harder things get, the more things I learn. -Just walk away from things that no longer serve a purpose in life . -Control emotions, it would change so much. -Mental health is really important just like physical health. -Don't look for much, but blessings. this magic quotes is by Mba Inna :). -Twitter is a great place to express myself. -Uwu language is the cutest wowd. (The -r- is replace with 'w', isnt it cute? :)) I ho...

Aku mendengar dari seorang teman. Ia bercerita tentang kritikannya di sebuah forum. Kemudian ada seseorang yang respon terhadapnya "kalian itu hanya kritik kritik kritik tapi tidak menawarkan solusi".  Temanku tetap terus melanjutkan bercerita tapi fokus terbesarku tidak lagi menyimak ceritanya. Dalam benakku merasa ganjal dengan perkataan yang menyiratkan bahwa kritik haruslah disertai dengan solusi. Haruskah? Should it? Haruskah sebuah kritik disertai solusi? Should a critic with a solution? I think No . It shouldn't be. Kalau kritik harus disertai dengan solusi, maka banyak orang-orang yang enggan untuk mengutarakan sebuah kritik. Dikarenakan tuntutannya harus disertai dengan solusi. Dan tidak semua orang dapat memenuhi tuntutan tersebut. Kritik dalam sebuah forum itu berfungsi agar semua peserta dapat bersama-sama memikirkan solusinya.  Toh tidak semua -orang yang mengutarakan kritik dengan solusi- dapat langsung diterima kan solusin...

Ada hal sudah tercapai, tapi hal itu membawa kekhawatiran diam-diam. Mengusik kelegaan. Have you ever felt this? Kemarin baru saja aku mendapatkan hal yang besar. Melampaui ekspektasiku, membuat keluargaku bangga. But, it turns out it's not an end. Dan menariknya, hasil itu adalah sebuah puncak paling tinggi. Apakah selanjutnya aku akan jatuh? Bisa saja terjadi. Can I maintain this? Which means, I also have to maintain my family's proud smile. Dan ternyata, harusnya fokusku janganlah khawatir. Dan harusnya, hasil ini menjadikanku semakin giat agar bisa mengepakkan sayap lebih tinggi. Khawatir. Kita memang tidak bisa menghindari kekhawatiran ini but please don't let this concern overwhelm me and all of you. Lets tell Allah and let the protection calm us down. Alhamdulillah very grateful.

Bismillah. Assalammu'alaikum warahmatullah wabarakatuh. Halo semua D isini  adalah wadah muara pemikiranku mengenai apa yang aku jumpai di keseharian. Selesai membaca jangan lupa di komen :) random lah bebas hehe Oiya salam kenal Semoga kita sama-sama berjuang untuk menjadi generasi pemuda-pemudi Islam yang taat, dan soleh solehah.. Aamiin  💌