ελπίδα - alter ego

Who am I? No system is safe HAHA sounds like a movie's title right? That was a great movie, you should watch it but you need to finish this first.

Okay, get back on track.

Who the hell is IKKI? As long as I know myself, I will try to explain to you my version of myself and other views. GEEZ. I'M SO NERVOUS DOING THIS.

OKAY GO.

Many people think that I'm a quiet person. Well, that's true, but not at all. I'm quiet when I'm in a crowd and new environment. It took me a long time to adapt. Like.. very long. The same goes when I want to be close to people, it's hard for me to be open,

To tell what I like to do lately,

To tell what I feel recently, etc.

But there are also times when I met people, I'm immediately expressive because?? I. DON’T. KNOW. Like? maybe because we just click to each other??! And the universe just cools with that kind. And usually, they are extroverted people and they just a type of person that doesn't really care abt what kind of personality they are chatting with, they are just being themselves, and they are just keeping exciting stories and that's it! That's what makes me quickly get along with that kind of person. It makes me easier to got chilling in the convo and actually, it's really hard for me to blend and trust people but fortunately, now it's getting easier.

And If I already close to the person, I must be shamelessly showing my expressive side and sometimes gone wild, like a crazy person! For sure HAHA. You guys must have various sides too, right? There are only things that can be expressive in any environment and some are expressive only in certain environments, and yeah it happened to me.

I also don't like being in situations that make me being the center of attention.

I also don't like when I'm doing a speech in public.

Lack of confidence

Low self-efficacy

But my weakness doesn't mean excuses me for doing a lot of things.

With my weakness, I try to improve myself continuously and also try to fix it.

So yea. Actually, I'm not that a ‘quiet person’ tho. When I was on SHS, you know what? I entered RUANG BK twice! HAHA, even my dad comes to my school too.

Often got minus points for being late,

Was punished. And got scolded to clean teacher's room,

Being annoyed towards teacher repeatedly, and so on.

SEE? I'm such a rebel girl too right?! But It was the most fun social life, I'm comfortable with my friends and all of my classmates because we all are always together for 3 years. They are not judgmental people so it's easy for me to feel comfortable and being a funny and expressive person.

I can freely show off my art ability..

Focus on my academic career..

but still have so much fun with friends.

Oh yes. There are lots of memories there, I think I should make a special post about my high school squad later! HA HA. It feels so nice, right? When remembering good things.

SO..

I'm also a person who got panics easily, nervous, easy to get out of control. Silly me. I'm really trying to be able to control myself. *SIGH* This is me trying.

So yeAAA, some people know me as a quiet person, gentle motherly. Some people know me as being chatty, stubborn, and energetic.

Some people say that I am ignorant and arrogant but some people suddenly hugged and leaned their head on my shoulder comfortably to tell a lot of things.

Some people really don't want to greet me, but some people are really happy without hesitating to hug me with their shouts of joy immediately when they see me.

Some people say that I am insensitive but some people like me when I pay attention to the smallest things.

Some people have their own interpretation of me and choose to leave. There are also those who hear from other people but already feel that they know me. The rest? Still stay with me even though they often feel disappointed with all of my weaknesses and always stay by my side no matter how annoying I am.

Yes, that's just a judgment from people. Very diverse, indeed. Some of them are right, and some of them are wrong.

Hated and loved is something we definitely have. Their assumption about me isn’t everything because the most important thing is Allah's judgment.

I am who I am. Who always excited to learn about life. Although I made so many mistakes and sometimes being ignorant.

Sometimes I’m still insensitive too.

Vulnerable. That's it.

But I won't bother with negative people's think about me. When someone tryna drag me down, 

I don't care what they say.

I let their keep jelous on me.

Think of me. 

Think of me in your day, 

in your night.

Think of me in your jelousy,

In your madness,

In your envious,

In your anxious,

In your dream, cuz I'm a nightmare dress like a daydream in your life.

Cuz you let me in and never put me out.

I let my shadow haunt your mind.

Go on. Go on.

WHILE I KEEP MOVING FORWARD. 

BYE JEALOUS PEOPLE.

WITH EFFORTLESSLY I'M BRAVELY STAND WITH MY SELF.

Last but not least.

I always wanna still be me. 

I'm different from others. 

I promise that you'll never find another like me. There's no one better for being me except myself.

I'm the only one of me. 

I'm who love to learn, unlearn, and relearn about anything.

I'm not perfect but that's not an excuse for me to stop learning dan improving.

I just need to focus on myself and less judging to the others.

I love me.

I love me too.